How to Look Bad While Trying to Look Better

One of the things I hate about going to the gym after work is that everyone else on the planet is trying to do the same. At the same damn gym I frequent. I'm not a fan of waiting for a treadmill or elliptical machine to open up. I don't like hopping on an exercise machine right after someone hopped off. It's the same train of thought as waiting in line to use a public restroom. Gross.

So I decided that I would hike up to Griffith Observatory as a workout at least twice a week. Its a great ass and thigh workout, which is excellent since my badonkadonk seems to grow exponentially with each passing breath. I've gone every Saturday and Sunday for the past two weeks. Eventually I'm trying to build the strength/energy/stamina/guts/neurosis to walk up it twice. Every time I'm next to my car stretching, I think, 'Ok-Legalmisfit-today's the day you're going to hike up it twice! No giving up or wimping out!' Five minutes later, sounding like an asthmatic kid, I think, 'Yeah-who are you kidding. Let's just try to make it to the top without dying/passing out/or dying, passing out, and rolling off the trail.' Hope springs eternal, I guess...

I'm not skinny. In no stretch of the imagination am I skinny. Oh wait. If being a female and weighing 250 lbs is average, then yes, I am skinny. But I wouldn't go so far and say I'm gargantuan either. Hefty? Chunky? Fat? More likely than not. (this is depressing) So I can't understand why people more round and robust than I pass me up on the trail. Not just one person. More like 5. Is there chocolate cake at the top I'm unaware of? I don't think I'm slow. Ok-maybe I am slow, but it's a pretty damn steep incline. So how are these people who are clearly heftier than I going at a faster pace?

That's not even the worst part. OLD LADIES PASS ME UP. I'm not 15 years old and think that anyone over 21 is old. I'm 27 and consider anyone pushing 65 old. The old people passing me up? There's at least a generation gap between us.

I'm baffled.