Shorty Swing My Way

My spam box and I have a nice working relationship. I give him shit I'm not interested in (going on Carribbean cruises, getting saved by Paul the minister, extending the length of my non-existent penis), and he makes sure I don't receive any more of these wonderful offers.

But someone has out-smarted him. That someone happens to be the ABA. The freaking ABA. American Bar Association. What the fuck. They are incessant. Every damn day its something: ABA wants your opinion on tort reform, ABA wants to recognize ten outstanding women lawyers, ABA this, ABA that. I dinged one as spam, thinking that was the end of it.

OMG they are out to get me. They are on me like a fat kid after the dessert aisle at the buffet. But the ABA got smart. They stuff my gmail inbox with news from their various divisions. Do you know how hard it is to fill a gmail inbox? The darn thing keeps on growing, and the ABA keeps on sending out more superfluous crap I'm not the slightest bit interested in. I wouldn't be surprised if ABA 'newsletters' hit my inbox faster than my inbox can expand (Gmail: you guys need to fix this). But--with their so called 'divisions' you can't get rid of them. They have 'divisions' for everything: Asian lawyers, Hispanic lawyers, women lawyers, lawyers right out of law school, lawyers who don't practice law, lawyers who want to shoot themselves because they do practice law. Its mindblowing. I somehow got subjected to the torture of the 'Young Lawyers Division.' My latest email from them is the midyear roundup. The midyear roundup congrats lawyers on their excellent service to the community (ha)legal profession (ha ha), and...the kicker: 'reputation for legal ethics and professional responsibility. HAHAHA.

This email thing is like regular mail. When I move, Esurance and the Victoria's Secret catalog follow me all on their own. Like little puppies following their owners. Awwww. But my credit card bills? No way. Lost like a white kid in the heart of Harlem.